Next time you want to yell at your kids, think of this post (then go out and get the book!)Posted: August 2, 2013
ECHOage has invited Sarah Chana Radcliffe, internationally recognized parenting expert, author, counselor, and speaker, to write a guest blog for ECHOage. Her parenting advice really works…we have tested it out with our own kids! Try her tips and in just a few days you’ll be yelling less, and loving more.
RAISE YOUR KIDS WITHOUT RAISING YOUR VOICE
By: Sarah Chana Radcliffe
My kids always threaten to report me. “You’re raising your voice – you call yourself a parenting expert?” Said in good humor of course. I think.
Anyway, why would someone as nice and as educated as I am ever raise her voice? Actually, I’m always surprised when anyone accuses me of doing that. I always think that I am speaking in a perfectly polite, pleasant tone of voice. I certainly mean no harm. In fact, if I were to acknowledge their presence at all, I’d have to say that these so-called “raised voices” of mine are usually more like whining sounds or sounds of frustration, generally uttered when I’m really, really tired and I can’t get the computer to do what I want it to do and someone forgot to plug the crockpot in for tonight’s dinner. I certainly don’t call these noises “yelling.” So it always strikes me as shocking that my children – now all grownups – would even comment on the quality of my otherwise lovely speaking voice. The fact that they do is a cautionary tale: we can never get away with speaking less than sweetly to our children. They take note. They react. It affects them.
So imagine what would happen if we were a tad more casual about this. Suppose, for instance, that we actually spoke really LOUDLY when we were upset or we called someone a name like RUDE or SELFISH or LAZY. What if we were really MAD? How would all that affect our children?
I can tell you actually. The more we communicate in an angry mode, the more problems our kids tend to have. When young, they have more social problems, more physical symptoms like tummy aches and headaches, more learning issues, more behavioral problems. If we’re still shouting when they’re teens, they have more emotional problems, more addictions, more eating disorders and self-harm, more troubled friendships, more academic problems. Unfortunately, a loud voice is toxic to developing human beings.
Yes we’re only human and our nerves get frayed. But if there was a way to discipline effectively while maintaining our cool and conveying our love, wouldn’t we want to use it? In fact, there are many tools that effectively replace the loud or irritated parental voice. Parents just have to learn them and use them. Build a loving, healthy relationship with your kids and give them the skills that will help them do the same with theirs.